.week ten.

March 3, 2019
Icicle Creek Trail
Leavenworth, WA

These past few months I’ve been holding my breath for a job. I’ve wanted more stability lately compared to my usually self-employment or working a few simultaneous small passion jobs. I applied for one and interviewed and was surprised when I didn’t get it. I applied for another one and held me breath and didn’t get it, didn’t even get an interview. I applied for another one and held my breath. I got an interview. Held my breath. And then yesterday it was like all of a sudden I remembered I was free. I’ve been holding my breath waiting for someone to tell me something. For someone to give me some kind of nod or validation. 
I’m free.
I found a quote I had written down from Tara Brach about how we should live life as if it’s a mystery to be lived not an answer to a question. I thought, “how do I want to spend my time? what do I want to work on? what do I want to be adding to?” I’ve thought these many times but it’s like all this breath holding has made me lightheaded and dizzy and I felt it this time. I was listening to a webinar tonight with Sarah Byrden and she asked “what lights you up?” So often we (I) feel the need to compartmentalize things so I can understand (control) them and in the process leave out all the wonderful - unknown - intricate - overwhelming details that are actually the essence of it all, maybe. Just as we hit the end of the trail and were going to turn around I saw this rock with the most beautiful moss. It was if mother nature had embroidered the moss onto the rock. The amazing art of nature! I took a deep breath and thought:

I want to spend more intentional time in nature.
I want to allow myself time to see the beautiful details.
I want to see + make art.
I want to collaborate with others making art.

meditation: I am free! Think of the things that allow me to feel free and make time to follow them/spend time with them.